Monday, December 1, 2008

Again with the "I don't know"s

I know I should be working on my essay for Rhetoric right now, but I can't help it. I'm weird.

Why is it I'm attracted to strange when all I want is normal? It's really frustrating. All of the guys I've liked since Jared have been on the weird side. Josh, Keer, hell even Min. He painted his nails, who knows what else he did. Is it because I've had an abundance of really weird that I only want normal? Grant, Josh, Albert, David. I don't know. It's like I'm a nutzo magnet. Not all the time, but it still feels like that. Sadistic, suicidal, drug addicts. Mike is the only normal one of the bunch. But I'm not satisfied. And I don't even know how I feel about him. -_- Ugh. This again.

I went to dinner on Tuesday with Becky, Rob (yay!), Alina, and Emily. Alina has a new crush and she was saying how she didn't like to be apart from him. It hurt her emotionally. She didn't want to be away from him. ... I don't feel that for Mike. Should I? Is that something I should be feeling for my boyfriend? Because I don't, does that mean he isn't right for me? AGH. I just don't know! I want to talk to someone about it, but I don't know who. Liv is probably already convinced that I shouldn't be with Mike because of that talk I had with her before. I don't know if I can trust Chelsea with it because Mike and Chels have gotten REALLY close. And I feel like there isn't anyone else who knows the situation well enough to help me. Alina would just tell me to break up with him... so would Becky. Who else is there? Mom? No. Brittany, Kayla, Misha... Maybe Brittany. She'd probably be best. Or Kayla maybe... Misha and Mike are too close at the moment. God, I don't know!

*fail*