Lots and Lots

Let's see if I can recall all of the main happenings.

My last post neglected the mention anything about Tekkoshocon this year. Basically what happened was I avoided Min until the very last day, Mike and I fought, and to top it off, Robert wasn't there. For the Min portion, just before I left on the last day, I decided that I was being completely pathetic. I walked up to him and said hello. Seeing him and talking to him was such a relief. It made me wish I had done it earlier, but it was probably for the best that I didn't--the whole Mike thing and all. I think for the most part, our fight was about trust. I don't remember what was said, but I know it started on Friday before I even went to Tekko. Maybe it was because he didn't have a place to stay, so he wanted to sleep in his car. In Pittsburgh. I wouldn't have it. We both wound up sleeping at Genevra's on Friday night and he went home Saturday night while I stayed in a hotel room with some of the other girls. I guess he didn't realize that Sunday didn't last for very long, and by the time he said he was ready to come, we were ready to leave. So he didn't come, and that's probably why I was able to talk to Min. Genevra's kendo team had a demonstration on Saturday and it was fantastic. ^_^ Robert not being there was a huge let down. I think it is his presence that gives me half of my Tekko energy. I missed him so.

The next big event was Ormond Beach, FL. I went down there with Mike and his mom and on the way back, Mike and I stopped at Matthew's house for a the night. At this point I was seriously considering breaking up with him, so I told him that I wanted that week to be an observation on my part. I wanted to objectively consider whether or not I wanted to be with him anymore. I wanted to have fun with him. The only thing he wanted to talk about was our relationship. And because I didn't want to talk about it at all, every time he brought it up, I get really angry. Finally in the last hour or so our our car ride home (his mom was staying with a friend in FL for the next week), he decided to give it one last go. And that was what it was. I decided to break up with him after he admitted that he had been destroying the relationship. Of course, that wording makes it sound like he was doing it on purpose. He wasn't, but he had just realized that that is what he had been doing. All of his doubting was him distancing himself from me and poisoning the relationship. On May 20, I told him I was done. And so now I am single. Oh, and no longer a virgin. I've been popped, interestingly enough.

Here's a good one. On Father's Day, Dad walked out of the house to get dinner by himself as we were making dinner for him. His excuse later that night was that he was trying to nap because he hadn't slept the night before (complete lie--we were staying in a hotel room for Amanda's wedding and I clearly heard him snoring) and that he heard "banging"--all noise must be "banging" to him--which was us making dinner. I told him that his behavior was unacceptable and please don't do it again. He said if he had said that to his father, he would be picking himself up off the floor. "I noticed," was my response. After him trying to choke me when I had defended Mom, I really wouldn't be surprised if he had gotten beaten around as a kid. So. After he left I shook and cried with rage and hatred. I wanted to scream so badly, but I could only make tea kettle noises if I didn't want him to come back. That was a horrible night.

I have a job now. I'm watching Kim Anna's son David and her friend's son Matt. Really I'm just chauffeuring them around. Mostly to Hartwood Acres to run and to the Hampton pool. I am so tan right now. And the money is really decent too. For three days, one of which I'm watching Matt, I receive around $175. She compensates me for gas (woot!).

So Mom and I have sanded, stained, and refinished the hardwood floors in the living and dining rooms. And we've painted the living room. The past few days were spent cutting and placing the new base boards while Dad was away at Eric's (Greenwood) graduation. All that's left is for them to be tacked in. Oh and on Saturday we power washed the living room carpet. Not as much fun as it sounds, but certainly fun to say.

I've been sick for almost a week now. It started on Wednesday with a high fever and when that went away, it turned into sinus and chest congestion. I've been living with that for most of the time, but this morning I woke up with pinkeye. I've been taking the leftover drops from the last time we thought I had pinkeye (it turned out my eyes just loathe Opti-Free contact lens solution). It's gotten much better since then. I'll be going to the doctor's in the morning to get checked out, regardless.

Yesterday I picked up Taesoo from the bus station. (Genevra was in NYC for a kendo tournament.) Taesoo is Genevra's maybe new boyfriend. I'll wait until she changes her facebook status or until she tells me to be certain about that. He's a 5th degree black belt in Taekwondo from Korea who has spent the past few years of his life being a chef in Boston. They met on OkCupid and have been talking for at least a month now, and he's been out here once before. For the week before I was to retrieve him, he was completely out of contact with Genevra. When he finally sent her an email, it was only five lines long. Three of which were apologies. Apparently he had gotten into a fight and, here is a speculation on our parts, was put in jail for a few days. I'm sure Genevra knows the truth of what happened by now--she's been home since early this morning. Anyway, just to be safe, I brought Alice Lai and Rachel Giovenco with me since they were in Pittsburgh for the Japanese Intensive summer program (and Harold is in Kutztown with Liv). We got something to eat and brought Taesoo to Genevra's because he hadn't slept the night before. We left him to sleep (after I delivered the promise slap for Genevra) and did some shopping at the Lotus Korean food store and and Tokyo Japanese Food Store. After that we went back to their dorm rooms and watched some DBSK. I went to church because I couldn't stop coughing that morning, and I headed home.

I think that's pretty much all I have to say besides complaining about being sick.

Lies. I do have more.

I've figured out what a girlfriend is supposed to feel when her boyfriend doesn't call for a few days. It's twitchy. Partly worried, partly defensive, partly angry, wholly wondering. But of course I only figure this out now. Tch. It's only been a day, but Genevra hasn't spoken to me since they started their trip home from the NYC kendo tournament. I know she got back alright even though she didn't text me when she got home. I stayed up until about 3:30am waiting for her to sign on to AIM, but she never did. She posted a facebook status this morning, though, saying that she will now sleep for a week. But still, I want to hear from her. I left Chocolate Clouds on her kitchen table and two skirts and new flip flops in her room. Not to mention the boy I left sleeping in her bed. You'd think she'd send a quick "thank you," at least. But I must be patient. There is no reason for me to feel this way.

Mysterious

STUPID MYSTERY!! STUPID POWER OF MYSTERY!! -_-

What I'm going on about it how interesting Alex is to me. And possibly attractive. Not in the physical sense, obviously. I've only seen him in person once. o_O I know of the danger that would come with being around him and the possibilities of what could happen. I know he's killed someone. I know he is "damaged." I know of what he is involved with that his lips become burned every Halloween. Truthfully it scares me a bit. Probably more than a bit. But it's so interesting! Maybe I like being scared. Maybe I like my heart racing and feeling like horrible things could happen at any moment--that it is more likely to happen because we are talking about it. And maybe I like that he's taken enough interest in me that he has promised my safety if ever I pass through his home. And I feel like that protection extends to if ever I am in his presence. It makes me think of Genevra's dream and the power he held there. It also makes me think of my feelings for Josh... although Alex is much more intense than Josh was.

But this is just me thinking too much. I know it is. But that doesn't mean I can stop at will.

Okay. Very attractive.

Every Single Step of the Way

Lots of posts! ^_^ Ano... So I got to hang out with Genevra today after Brain and Behavior. It was a gorgeous day, so we lied down in Schenley Plaza and she tanned while I read for Special Topics in Mass Communication. But we also got to talk a bit. I told her about Harold petting my hair last night (but not about him trying to figure out my scent) and she told me that Harold had been interested in a threesome with her and me. *shock* (What's with people wanting me to be in threesomes???) She said she didn't know if he wanted me in there because it was me or because it'd be his chance with two girls at once. I'd say it's because of the two girl thing, but then why would he have been petting my hair? SO CONFUSING!! Maybe I shouldn't have told him I might have a crush on him. It's probably affecting his actions. Hmmm....

So, I might wind up going to Genevra's tonight too. I have to write 1/2 - 1 paper for Mass Comm tomorrow morning, but I need the other half (hopefully) from my ばか partner. And I need to take a shower. If I finish everything by 9 or 10 I'll probably head over there. And I'm sure we'll talk about this whole Harold thing more. And probably about me and Mike. Maybe I'll tell her about Harold trying to figure out my scent...(so awkward to think about =_=)

Short Bits

So, last night my dreams were all in short bits. I remember a couple of them, but the one I remember the most was like an alternate universe of what happened with Harold last night. I was in his bed and I woke up to him petting my hair. Instead of him backing off, though, he leaned in and kissed me. His kiss was very soft, but very sure. Even in the dream I was flustered. But I definitely enjoyed it.

Why do I always wonder what it would be like to kiss the people around me? That's what leads to dreams like these.

Harorudo

So... I was over at Harold's helping him with the picture of him and Liv for Liv's (belated) birthday. He tried to fix it up himself, but I'd already cleaned up the picture so I could print it and have a copy for myself. In the end he wound up using my version and cropping it a little differently. We printed it out at Kinko's and went back to his apartment so he could write a message on the back and give it to Liv tonight. He was going to write it in English, but since he decided on Japanese, it took him quite a while. I wound up falling asleep in his bed.

I woke up to someone petting my hair. For a moment I was confused and didn't remember where I was. Then I did remember and realized the only other person there was Harold. I should have opened my eyes immediately... but I pretended to remain asleep for just a moment more. It was one of those moments where if you didn't open your eyes, you didn't have to question it. Then I opened my eyes and acted confused and kinda awkward. He denied petting my hair. He said he had just put his hand on my head to wake me up. Liar. So... why did he do that...? Why did I pretend to still be asleep? I probably have a bit of a crush on him: not anything to act on, but still. But what about him? How long was he there, watching me sleep? Petting my hair? Does it mean anything? No... it mustn't. I'm looking too far into it. Yes. Anyway, he crawled in with me because his apartment is so cold (so cold!) and tried to figure out what my scent is. Awkward! Now I smell like Harold.

We were probably starting to fall asleep when Liv called. We left and Harold gave the framed photo to Liv. ^_^ lol She was so curious about what the gift was because she knew Harold and I were plotting. Rather, that's what she thought. I was just keeping him on track. XD Liv is so easily deceived by me. ... That makes me feel horrible...

End

Mom picked me up Thursday night and we drove to Massena Friday for the viewing at 7. We stayed at Aunt Karen and Uncle Glen's house for the night. The funeral was Saturday. Grandma was buried in a lovely purple flower-print dress that made her look beautiful.

RIP, Grandma

Grandma passed away this morning. The stroke she had was a bad one and she had a living will, so they didn't put her on life support. She died peacefully in her sleep.