Aye and Huzzah!

I’m all moved into my suite at Pitt! I was a little worried about Deanna and Melanie, but it seems like everything is going to work out great! Melanie is really opening up to us, so I’m hopeful that we will become good friends. So much has happened in the past few days and classes haven’t even started yet.

Friday night Taesoo got really drunk and had a psychotic episode at Genevra’s house, so Saturday morning was spent making sure he was alive and could hold a conversation. He was and he could, so my job was done. I ran into Jacobson-san at the Hillman Library that day, also. It was nice to see her again. If I recall correctly, we are in the same class, so I will be seeing her again on Tuesday! :D

Harold came back to Pittsburgh and we went out to ½ price dinner with him and his brother at Joe Mamma’s. I’m glad he’s finally back. I wanted to give him a much longer hug than he allowed me to. :/ Maybe I’ll be able to get him back soon. I’d really like to spend some time with Harold without Liv. I mean, I like having her around, but Harold was my friend before he was her boyfriend and I miss having that time with him. I’ll probably wind up telling this to her at some point.

Today I went to church with Deanna, who is also Roman Catholic! Huzzah! I have someone to go to church with! Awesome. Soon after church, I was off to the Renaissance Festival with Matt Harrington and we had a marvelous time! I really missed the good-natured atmosphere of Ren Fest. It reminds me entirely too much of Robert. I miss you, Robert!

Lately I’ve been in a very huggy mood. I think it’s partially because I wasn’t able to visit Becky and I had mentally prepared myself for five minute long Lily/Kael hugs. Being deprived of those and late night cuddling (which I probably wouldn’t have gotten anyway) I’ve wanted to be much more affectionate with the people around me. *sigh*

Damn you hope and expectation.

All summer I had wanted to make a trip down to Maryland to visit Becky, Tia, and Rob. I wanted it to be a surprise visit, so I was collaborating with Rob. I guess in the beginning it was kind of a "I have plenty of time" thing, but then I started babysitting and by the time we hit August, it was almost time to go back to Pitt. And my car wasn't passing inspection. I was down to two optional weekends; I was shooting for the first, but just in case, I had the following as backup. The first was a no-go. The car still hadn't passed inspection. The second weekend, the car passed, but Mom decided if I was dead set on going, which I was, I could take her car. This was finalized Friday night, so I would leave in the morning. I sent a text to Rob saying I'd probably be there around 2:30, but half an hour later, I got a call from Tia. Rob had just told her I was coming. They had just picked up Colin (Daiichi) for the weekend.

Plans terminated.

Why do I even try if it concerns Becky? It never works.

This is getting out of hand.

Baffled

Okay this is really odd. And a bit unsettling. So I have this strong interest in Alex... I've mentioned it before, right? But I swear it isn't anything emotional or physical. I just think he's a really interesting person (Genevra claims he has some weird kind of charm). But now all of a sudden, my daydreams are involving him and are platonically romantic, if that makes sense. It's that kiss the back of the hand, stolen kiss kinda thing. But where did this come from?! I mean, I've only met the guy once! Sure I've read his livejournal, but come on! How much stuff doesn't get put in there? Like 95% of it! And these aren't the deliberate, "I wonder what would happen if..." or "What would I do if..." daydreams. These are the unintentional daydream daydreams. These are ones that I snap out of when things get platonically romantic and I beat them back with a stick going WTH? *sigh* What am I to do... And I'm going to meet up with him on August 4th. Somehow I think these daydreams will only get worse. *headdesk*

In other news, Taesoo dumped Genevra on Saturday night. Jerk. But, he said he didn't think she was the one, so I have to identify with him. I only think he is the jerk because he broke up with her through instant messenger and not face-to-face. I visited her yesterday and slept over. It's rather tiring trying to cheer someone up without being overbearing. I think I just wound up being another body in the house. -_-

Nrrr... so tired...

Odd Feelings

They're really odd feelings: knowing a murderer and someone who would not think twice about killing someone who he thought deserved it. I'm talking about Alex and Taesoo. It's even stranger to think that I am trying to get closer to these people. I want to be their friend. In a way it kinda reminds me of Lily's actions toward Kael. She spent all of that time trying to get him to trust her, to accept her as a friend and then something more. And she did all of this knowing that he had killed hundreds of people with his own hands and weapons. I never thought I would be in such a position... it's so very strange. I'm scared of what they are able to do, but I want them to like me, take notice of me. Shouldn't I be doing everything to stay out of their notice? I feel like it'd be playing my own horn, or something of the like, to say that it feels like I'm following Jesus' example. I know that's what I should be doing anyway, so why does it feel weird to say that I'm doing it and proving it with my actions? Weird. This whole thing is just weird.

Lots and Lots

Let's see if I can recall all of the main happenings.

My last post neglected the mention anything about Tekkoshocon this year. Basically what happened was I avoided Min until the very last day, Mike and I fought, and to top it off, Robert wasn't there. For the Min portion, just before I left on the last day, I decided that I was being completely pathetic. I walked up to him and said hello. Seeing him and talking to him was such a relief. It made me wish I had done it earlier, but it was probably for the best that I didn't--the whole Mike thing and all. I think for the most part, our fight was about trust. I don't remember what was said, but I know it started on Friday before I even went to Tekko. Maybe it was because he didn't have a place to stay, so he wanted to sleep in his car. In Pittsburgh. I wouldn't have it. We both wound up sleeping at Genevra's on Friday night and he went home Saturday night while I stayed in a hotel room with some of the other girls. I guess he didn't realize that Sunday didn't last for very long, and by the time he said he was ready to come, we were ready to leave. So he didn't come, and that's probably why I was able to talk to Min. Genevra's kendo team had a demonstration on Saturday and it was fantastic. ^_^ Robert not being there was a huge let down. I think it is his presence that gives me half of my Tekko energy. I missed him so.

The next big event was Ormond Beach, FL. I went down there with Mike and his mom and on the way back, Mike and I stopped at Matthew's house for a the night. At this point I was seriously considering breaking up with him, so I told him that I wanted that week to be an observation on my part. I wanted to objectively consider whether or not I wanted to be with him anymore. I wanted to have fun with him. The only thing he wanted to talk about was our relationship. And because I didn't want to talk about it at all, every time he brought it up, I get really angry. Finally in the last hour or so our our car ride home (his mom was staying with a friend in FL for the next week), he decided to give it one last go. And that was what it was. I decided to break up with him after he admitted that he had been destroying the relationship. Of course, that wording makes it sound like he was doing it on purpose. He wasn't, but he had just realized that that is what he had been doing. All of his doubting was him distancing himself from me and poisoning the relationship. On May 20, I told him I was done. And so now I am single. Oh, and no longer a virgin. I've been popped, interestingly enough.

Here's a good one. On Father's Day, Dad walked out of the house to get dinner by himself as we were making dinner for him. His excuse later that night was that he was trying to nap because he hadn't slept the night before (complete lie--we were staying in a hotel room for Amanda's wedding and I clearly heard him snoring) and that he heard "banging"--all noise must be "banging" to him--which was us making dinner. I told him that his behavior was unacceptable and please don't do it again. He said if he had said that to his father, he would be picking himself up off the floor. "I noticed," was my response. After him trying to choke me when I had defended Mom, I really wouldn't be surprised if he had gotten beaten around as a kid. So. After he left I shook and cried with rage and hatred. I wanted to scream so badly, but I could only make tea kettle noises if I didn't want him to come back. That was a horrible night.

I have a job now. I'm watching Kim Anna's son David and her friend's son Matt. Really I'm just chauffeuring them around. Mostly to Hartwood Acres to run and to the Hampton pool. I am so tan right now. And the money is really decent too. For three days, one of which I'm watching Matt, I receive around $175. She compensates me for gas (woot!).

So Mom and I have sanded, stained, and refinished the hardwood floors in the living and dining rooms. And we've painted the living room. The past few days were spent cutting and placing the new base boards while Dad was away at Eric's (Greenwood) graduation. All that's left is for them to be tacked in. Oh and on Saturday we power washed the living room carpet. Not as much fun as it sounds, but certainly fun to say.

I've been sick for almost a week now. It started on Wednesday with a high fever and when that went away, it turned into sinus and chest congestion. I've been living with that for most of the time, but this morning I woke up with pinkeye. I've been taking the leftover drops from the last time we thought I had pinkeye (it turned out my eyes just loathe Opti-Free contact lens solution). It's gotten much better since then. I'll be going to the doctor's in the morning to get checked out, regardless.

Yesterday I picked up Taesoo from the bus station. (Genevra was in NYC for a kendo tournament.) Taesoo is Genevra's maybe new boyfriend. I'll wait until she changes her facebook status or until she tells me to be certain about that. He's a 5th degree black belt in Taekwondo from Korea who has spent the past few years of his life being a chef in Boston. They met on OkCupid and have been talking for at least a month now, and he's been out here once before. For the week before I was to retrieve him, he was completely out of contact with Genevra. When he finally sent her an email, it was only five lines long. Three of which were apologies. Apparently he had gotten into a fight and, here is a speculation on our parts, was put in jail for a few days. I'm sure Genevra knows the truth of what happened by now--she's been home since early this morning. Anyway, just to be safe, I brought Alice Lai and Rachel Giovenco with me since they were in Pittsburgh for the Japanese Intensive summer program (and Harold is in Kutztown with Liv). We got something to eat and brought Taesoo to Genevra's because he hadn't slept the night before. We left him to sleep (after I delivered the promise slap for Genevra) and did some shopping at the Lotus Korean food store and and Tokyo Japanese Food Store. After that we went back to their dorm rooms and watched some DBSK. I went to church because I couldn't stop coughing that morning, and I headed home.

I think that's pretty much all I have to say besides complaining about being sick.

Lies. I do have more.

I've figured out what a girlfriend is supposed to feel when her boyfriend doesn't call for a few days. It's twitchy. Partly worried, partly defensive, partly angry, wholly wondering. But of course I only figure this out now. Tch. It's only been a day, but Genevra hasn't spoken to me since they started their trip home from the NYC kendo tournament. I know she got back alright even though she didn't text me when she got home. I stayed up until about 3:30am waiting for her to sign on to AIM, but she never did. She posted a facebook status this morning, though, saying that she will now sleep for a week. But still, I want to hear from her. I left Chocolate Clouds on her kitchen table and two skirts and new flip flops in her room. Not to mention the boy I left sleeping in her bed. You'd think she'd send a quick "thank you," at least. But I must be patient. There is no reason for me to feel this way.

Mysterious

STUPID MYSTERY!! STUPID POWER OF MYSTERY!! -_-

What I'm going on about it how interesting Alex is to me. And possibly attractive. Not in the physical sense, obviously. I've only seen him in person once. o_O I know of the danger that would come with being around him and the possibilities of what could happen. I know he's killed someone. I know he is "damaged." I know of what he is involved with that his lips become burned every Halloween. Truthfully it scares me a bit. Probably more than a bit. But it's so interesting! Maybe I like being scared. Maybe I like my heart racing and feeling like horrible things could happen at any moment--that it is more likely to happen because we are talking about it. And maybe I like that he's taken enough interest in me that he has promised my safety if ever I pass through his home. And I feel like that protection extends to if ever I am in his presence. It makes me think of Genevra's dream and the power he held there. It also makes me think of my feelings for Josh... although Alex is much more intense than Josh was.

But this is just me thinking too much. I know it is. But that doesn't mean I can stop at will.

Okay. Very attractive.