Time

Time is perhaps the most consistent thing ever. The way each person experiences time, however, and how they view it is completely different for each person you ask.

This is fine, but I wish people would be more committed to getting things done when they say they are going to be done. If you say "I will have this done for you by Saturday evening," it should be fucking done by Saturday evening. Not the next Saturday. Not the Tuesday after that. Things come up that can't be ignored, of course, and that can delay everything. It is understandable when things like that happen. In this case, you should tell the person what has happened, and tell them it won't be done in time. When unexpected things don't happen and there is still a delay, I want to punch someone in the face and yell "Why did you lie to me? If you couldn't do it in that time, you shouldn't have told me that!" What comes after that is often just as bad. They give you a NEW time to expect the outcome. And they don't finish it by then either.

And then! You dare to be irritated with me when I ask after it? It's YOUR fault it isn't done. It's YOUR fault I HAVE to ask about it, because if I don't, it will be too late, or I will just never get it from you. There are so many things I can't talk to you about anymore.

Is it so much to expect people to do as they say they will do? Must I always distrust people? It seems I must.

I am a distrusting person because of you. You always disappoint me.

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!

The Vision Center wants me for the full time Optician job.
9.8/hr speculation until Marla tells me I'm good enough for more
15 min. commute
some paid benefits?
work environment I know I'm going to like

The Cranberry Eagle receptionist/graphic artist position
10/hr
30 min. commute
full benefits
kinda in my field

Both
no room for advancement
probably be happy at either

The truth is the numbers are so damn close and the jobs are on such the same level for me that's it's really hard to pick one or the other. If I go to CE, I'll have to do a lot of menial stuff, but I'll be making ads as well. At VS, there won't be much menial stuff, but I won't be doing anything in my field. It will just be another skill.

Mom says not to worry about it yet because I don't know if they want me back for a second interview. Which is true. Maybe they won't want me and that will be that.

I don't know if I should wish for them to call me or not...

BLAH!!

Punch

Alex is at the Blues Festival at Hartwood Acres right now. It really sucks that he came North for once and I don't even get to see him. I guess I could, but I don't want to pay $25 to get into a festival I'm not going to enjoy. Lame. I wish he would get his driver's license already. I swear he is horrible at making appointments. I should just do it for him and not tell him until we are there. Damn. Even if he can't get a car yet, at least a license would be progress. I hate knowing that he is so close. I can fucking feel the close proximity and it sucks! It would have been better if I thought he was at home. Grrrrrrrr...

It makes me want to hang out with Chelsea or Liv...or punch something. Or cry (same result). It's horrible that I only have two friends from high school left that I actually want to see. And I can't.

Liv will be back in August, but she's going to be sad every time I see her because Harold will still be in Japan. I mean, she was kinda sad last summer because Harold was in Kutztown, but that was different. She got to see him every month, and she wasn't reminded of him by her core passion. Now every time she thinks about Japan or anything Japanese, she's gonna think of him. Which means work for me. But whatever. It's better than nothing.

I kinda want someone to punch me in the face.

Someone should punch me in the face.

But not in the nose.

That would hurt.

Cautiously Optimistic

Things are finally looking up in the job part of my life. Although now they are a little more complicated.

A while ago I changed my preferences on Walmart's WIRE to include positions in the Vision Center. I got a call from them earlier this week for the position of Optician which is full time and at least a 50 cent pay raise (we haven't talked about that yet). I went in for an interview, and before I went home, my interviewer told me she picked me out of the candidates. Awesome, right? At least it's a step in the right direction.

Today when I was driving home from work, I got a call from The Cranberry Eagle (newspaper) about the receptionist/graphic artist position I applied for. Pay is based on experience--I'm going to try to get 25,000--and has almost if not full benefits. And it's a newspaper, so the communication degree might help out a bit. I'd be doing secretary stuff and making ads. This is a much better position for me.

So I am to start at the Vision Center at the end of next week or the beginning of the week after that. They need to find a replacement for me in the meantime. I have an interview with CE on Tuesday. I would really feel bad if CE offered me the job after I've started training for the other job, but I'd really rather work for the newspaper. I know it's a small place, but they are owned by The Butler Eagle, which is bigger in comparison. It'd look much better for me on my resume to have both radio and newspaper positions as opposed to radio and optical. "Optical? Really? How did that one happen?"

So for now, I'm gonna keep quiet and try not to get my hopes up for the Eagle. Worse thing they can do is say they don't want me, and then I can continue working in optical. It's nice to have a fall back full time job.

Oh. The last thing about the job at CE? IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO THE WOODEN CASTLE IN CRANBERRY PARK. WIN.

Commuting

So this year I am commuting to Pitt three days a week. I didn't think it would be that bad, and really it isn't, but it does cut down on your down time. That hour that you would normally allot yourself for relaxation is taken up by the time it takes you to walk back to your car and drive home. By the time you get home, you have to remove time for dinner, and when you've finally completed everything you need to for the night, you've either fallen asleep doing it, or it's well past midnight and you're exhausted for the next day. This makes me wish a bus came all of the way out here. It would cost about the same, and while I was riding, I could study. No such luck for me.

In other news, I go the WQED FM internship and start on the 20th. This means I'm either going to be working at Walmart 16 hours (read 18 hrs.) a weekend or I'm going to have to take an educational leave of absence. While I hate the thought of not pulling in more money, I kinda need those weekends for all of the work I'm getting piled on top of me from my classes. Truthfully, it's mostly just reading, but it's a lot and from every class.

Perhaps I am just complaining too much. Someone get me a straw.

The End is Nigh... of Summer, that is.

I like playing my cello. I really do. But sometimes I just don't want to play it for a looong while. Like now.

I don't remember if I posted in here about the wedding I will be playing for Nathan's friend Holly, but it's in a week and the rehearsal is on Saturday. I was supposed to be playing with Nathan, but seeing as he hasn't practiced at all and the only time we got together was when I gave him the music, I'd say I'll be playing by myself. This won't be an entirely bad thing. It will be my first solo wedding and it will be acoustic, so few worries there. It's not even for a big crowd, just 100 or so. But I am sooo tired of practicing this music. I'm not perfect at any of it, but it is more than passable for the wedding. I just want to get this done and over with! I don't know how Alex can play for hours every day. I'm just so bored! I suppose since he doesn't read music, he just improvises everything which keeps it interesting, but still! I'm ready to throw this music in a drawer somewhere and forget about it for a season or two.

I'm not like this when it comes to piano... maybe because I'm so limited on the time I can play without getting yelled at or having to play over the tv. But when I learned Requiem for the Living, I just kept at it until I could play it through perfectly. Why can't I apply that to this wedding music? It really is frustrating.

I just need to last one more week.

In other news, I am finally going on a picnic with Alex tomorrow. Duquesne's classes have already started, so I kinda feel like we didn't get it in this summer, even though it is still technically summer. We haven't gone to Kennywood yet either, but I'm sure we'll get there.

I am more excited for Labor Day, though. The day I get to clean Alex's room. >:D He is dreading it, I'm sure, but hopefully the clean room with help prevent him getting sick all of the time. He burns incense, which isn't a bad thing, but all of that smoke and ash builds up, not to mention everywhere he hasn't vacuumed in years. I want to buy him some sheets that actually fit his bed, but I feel like that would be intruding upon his mother's territory and disrespectful (although he really needs sheets that fit...). I just have to look forward to the day when we live together and I can take care of all of that stuff without having to go through this though process. That will probably still be a while from now, though. *sigh* One day.

Pursuing what is expected

My professors have started posting the books we will need for the new semester, and it just doesn't seem... correct, somehow. I have one more year of university life left for me, but I feel like I've already dropped into finding a real job and wanting to think about my first apartment even though I can't because of not having that real job yet. O_O Going back to Pitt for classes now just seems surreal.

Harold is in Japan now, and Liv will be there in less than two months. It feels like they are pursuing their dreams while I am pursuing what is expected of me. In these moments I really loathe the chance I was denied of going to Japan for a semester. One could argue that I still have that chance. I could go in the spring. But not only would that cause complications with my graduation, I would be getting out into the job market a semester later than the rest of my graduating class, which is quite the disadvantage it seems. One could also argue that it doesn't matter when precisely I enter the job market because jobs are opening and closing at their own leisure. While this is true, more jobs are made available in that spring/summer time frame because employers know there will be new graduates looking for a job. Besides, getting out there beyond on time just doesn't sit well with me.

All of this adds up to a rather annoying feeling which I cannot even begin to name. Like being smart enough and competent enough to move on to the next grade but being held back for a year. Like when you are trying to run in your dreams, but your legs will only move in slow motion.

It could be that thing feeling is spurring on by getting a job at Walmart. This is a menial job, but I get paid and I get taxed like a real job. Up until now, I've been working for private owners and getting paid under the table. The new arrangements conjure different thought processes and emotions.

At the same time I don't feel like I am doing this because it is what is expected, but because it is what needs to be done. To support my creative boyfriend I will need to provide extra income and save for hard times. Besides, what would I do with all of that free time? So there is a bit of plain desire to have a steady job. I just hope I can find one where I will actually be happy going to work.