The End is Nigh... of Summer, that is.

I like playing my cello. I really do. But sometimes I just don't want to play it for a looong while. Like now.

I don't remember if I posted in here about the wedding I will be playing for Nathan's friend Holly, but it's in a week and the rehearsal is on Saturday. I was supposed to be playing with Nathan, but seeing as he hasn't practiced at all and the only time we got together was when I gave him the music, I'd say I'll be playing by myself. This won't be an entirely bad thing. It will be my first solo wedding and it will be acoustic, so few worries there. It's not even for a big crowd, just 100 or so. But I am sooo tired of practicing this music. I'm not perfect at any of it, but it is more than passable for the wedding. I just want to get this done and over with! I don't know how Alex can play for hours every day. I'm just so bored! I suppose since he doesn't read music, he just improvises everything which keeps it interesting, but still! I'm ready to throw this music in a drawer somewhere and forget about it for a season or two.

I'm not like this when it comes to piano... maybe because I'm so limited on the time I can play without getting yelled at or having to play over the tv. But when I learned Requiem for the Living, I just kept at it until I could play it through perfectly. Why can't I apply that to this wedding music? It really is frustrating.

I just need to last one more week.

In other news, I am finally going on a picnic with Alex tomorrow. Duquesne's classes have already started, so I kinda feel like we didn't get it in this summer, even though it is still technically summer. We haven't gone to Kennywood yet either, but I'm sure we'll get there.

I am more excited for Labor Day, though. The day I get to clean Alex's room. >:D He is dreading it, I'm sure, but hopefully the clean room with help prevent him getting sick all of the time. He burns incense, which isn't a bad thing, but all of that smoke and ash builds up, not to mention everywhere he hasn't vacuumed in years. I want to buy him some sheets that actually fit his bed, but I feel like that would be intruding upon his mother's territory and disrespectful (although he really needs sheets that fit...). I just have to look forward to the day when we live together and I can take care of all of that stuff without having to go through this though process. That will probably still be a while from now, though. *sigh* One day.

Pursuing what is expected

My professors have started posting the books we will need for the new semester, and it just doesn't seem... correct, somehow. I have one more year of university life left for me, but I feel like I've already dropped into finding a real job and wanting to think about my first apartment even though I can't because of not having that real job yet. O_O Going back to Pitt for classes now just seems surreal.

Harold is in Japan now, and Liv will be there in less than two months. It feels like they are pursuing their dreams while I am pursuing what is expected of me. In these moments I really loathe the chance I was denied of going to Japan for a semester. One could argue that I still have that chance. I could go in the spring. But not only would that cause complications with my graduation, I would be getting out into the job market a semester later than the rest of my graduating class, which is quite the disadvantage it seems. One could also argue that it doesn't matter when precisely I enter the job market because jobs are opening and closing at their own leisure. While this is true, more jobs are made available in that spring/summer time frame because employers know there will be new graduates looking for a job. Besides, getting out there beyond on time just doesn't sit well with me.

All of this adds up to a rather annoying feeling which I cannot even begin to name. Like being smart enough and competent enough to move on to the next grade but being held back for a year. Like when you are trying to run in your dreams, but your legs will only move in slow motion.

It could be that thing feeling is spurring on by getting a job at Walmart. This is a menial job, but I get paid and I get taxed like a real job. Up until now, I've been working for private owners and getting paid under the table. The new arrangements conjure different thought processes and emotions.

At the same time I don't feel like I am doing this because it is what is expected, but because it is what needs to be done. To support my creative boyfriend I will need to provide extra income and save for hard times. Besides, what would I do with all of that free time? So there is a bit of plain desire to have a steady job. I just hope I can find one where I will actually be happy going to work.