Still thinking about Keer. Mike and I were going to see Narnia: Prince Caspian tonight and then found out it was Mono's b-day party and only Alina was able to go, so we met them at North Park Clubhouse. We mostly sat around and talked. At one point my most recent pic of Kael and Lily (The Approach) was brought up and Alina said Becky had thought Kael looked a little like Keer. I don't really see it, but if those two do--Alina had agreed with Becky--it makes me wonder if my subconscious is really thinking about him that much. I might get to see him again tomorrow because Alina and Mono want to do a sewing party. We'll see.
Prince Caspian was good, by the way. Not to mention pretty cute. ^_^ At one point I thought for sure the general was Tim Curry, but it wasn't. The credits had some pretty fun names: Cheeseman and Whynaught for example. And I found Guy, of course.
I just got the strangest urge to read Harry Potter... o_O
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
More Thoughts on Keer
I've been meaning to write this journal for a while now. We just got faster internet and there were some problems, so I didn't have internet for a little while.
Every time I'm around Keer, I wish I were single. It could just be that I don't want to have to worry about what Mike would think of my actions or keep my own actions in check because I'm in a relationship. But I keep finding myself wondering what it would be like to kiss Keer. It's a strange feeling 'cause I've never had it before. Sure I've imagined kissing others before, but never when I was with Mike, and I never wondered what it would be like for real. Or let me put it this way: I've never had the urge to do it before now. It makes me wonder what my real feelings are for Keer. I only see him as a friend, so why do I wonder? I guess it could just be induced by the fact that we are often close physically. And his light touches and kneading and biting certainly don't help because I like them so much. I feel like I can be so open with him, whereas with Mike I'm constantly watching myself and making sure I don't say or do anything wrong. But then again, I do watch myself when I'm with Keer, but on different stuff. I only watch myself because I don't want to disappoint him or lower his opinion of me.
And I sleep so much better when I am with Keer as opposed to with Mike. I know this probably doesn't mean much of anything, but it seems to matter to me. Yeah I like sleeping with Mike, but I fit so much better with Keer, and I don't really mean physically, although I think that's true. I mean we sleep the same way, or we think the same... I don't know. It's just more comfortable. The only time I've woken up when I was with Keer was when I was cold. I wake up constantly when I'm with Mike.
It really bothers me that Becky was so quick to accept that Mike and I were having problems and that I might break up with him. I only talked to her about it once and the next time we talked she wondered if I was with Keer. She didn't even ask if Mike and I were still together. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. She said she always thought Keer and I would be a good couple.
Mom made the connection of why I like Keer so much. She says it's because he's practically the male version of my Becky. In a way, she hit the nail on the head. He is very much like her; I can't deny it. But at the same time, he's so different. He's more mature than she ever was. He wants to live his life to the fullest and take every opportunity that knocks on his door. He's better than Becky.
Agh. I don't know. I just needed to get these thoughts written down.
In other news, Wood 'N Things did not hire me, my room is still coming along, and I helped with the art installation in Pittsburgh yesterday and today. Check out the waterfall!
This is on the climbing wall in the REI building in SouthSide Works. Yay for recycled water bottles and a little cellophane. It will be up for a week and then we are moving it to another rock wall in Pittsburgh 'cause the lady liked the idea and wanted it on her climbing wall also. She's giving out free climbing passes for you and a friend if you help, so I'm not complaining.
Sleepy time!
Every time I'm around Keer, I wish I were single. It could just be that I don't want to have to worry about what Mike would think of my actions or keep my own actions in check because I'm in a relationship. But I keep finding myself wondering what it would be like to kiss Keer. It's a strange feeling 'cause I've never had it before. Sure I've imagined kissing others before, but never when I was with Mike, and I never wondered what it would be like for real. Or let me put it this way: I've never had the urge to do it before now. It makes me wonder what my real feelings are for Keer. I only see him as a friend, so why do I wonder? I guess it could just be induced by the fact that we are often close physically. And his light touches and kneading and biting certainly don't help because I like them so much. I feel like I can be so open with him, whereas with Mike I'm constantly watching myself and making sure I don't say or do anything wrong. But then again, I do watch myself when I'm with Keer, but on different stuff. I only watch myself because I don't want to disappoint him or lower his opinion of me.
And I sleep so much better when I am with Keer as opposed to with Mike. I know this probably doesn't mean much of anything, but it seems to matter to me. Yeah I like sleeping with Mike, but I fit so much better with Keer, and I don't really mean physically, although I think that's true. I mean we sleep the same way, or we think the same... I don't know. It's just more comfortable. The only time I've woken up when I was with Keer was when I was cold. I wake up constantly when I'm with Mike.
It really bothers me that Becky was so quick to accept that Mike and I were having problems and that I might break up with him. I only talked to her about it once and the next time we talked she wondered if I was with Keer. She didn't even ask if Mike and I were still together. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. She said she always thought Keer and I would be a good couple.
Mom made the connection of why I like Keer so much. She says it's because he's practically the male version of my Becky. In a way, she hit the nail on the head. He is very much like her; I can't deny it. But at the same time, he's so different. He's more mature than she ever was. He wants to live his life to the fullest and take every opportunity that knocks on his door. He's better than Becky.
Agh. I don't know. I just needed to get these thoughts written down.
In other news, Wood 'N Things did not hire me, my room is still coming along, and I helped with the art installation in Pittsburgh yesterday and today. Check out the waterfall!
This is on the climbing wall in the REI building in SouthSide Works. Yay for recycled water bottles and a little cellophane. It will be up for a week and then we are moving it to another rock wall in Pittsburgh 'cause the lady liked the idea and wanted it on her climbing wall also. She's giving out free climbing passes for you and a friend if you help, so I'm not complaining.Sleepy time!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
*scrunched face*
So Isaac was the one who broke off the relationship. The bum. At least now he'll stop hurting Nobu. I'm really gonna miss her...
I just got off the phone with Becky and now I'm lonely again. :( This is really annoying. I know I don't need constant interaction, so why am I always lonely at night?
I'm still in the process of cleaning my room. I finally made it to the closet, so all the stuffs on the bed and my closet floor is clean--I'll be sleeping in there tonight. It won't be nearly as comfortable as Keer's closet and it will be a little more cramped, but I think I will be fine for the night. I'm still planning on painting my room. I'm thinking light cream for the walls and a dark brown for the trim and such. I'm also considering doing a mini mural on the wall next to the door. It'd be a tree with sakura. We'll see if that actually happens, though.
I applied for a job at Wood 'N Things today. They just need a part-timer in sales. I figure it's better than nothing. Bah. I feel so weird about getting a job. I don't know why.
I just dropped Min a line... I felt awkward about sending him an email, but, I don't know. Part of me still wants to be his friend, but the other part wants to put him in the past and just forget about him. Make him another Everis.
Ugh. I don't know. I'm so tired of feelings. I just want to not have to worry about them anymore. I don't want to have to constantly think about how is this going to effect, say, Mike. I just want to live and have fun. *sigh*
I just got off the phone with Becky and now I'm lonely again. :( This is really annoying. I know I don't need constant interaction, so why am I always lonely at night?
I'm still in the process of cleaning my room. I finally made it to the closet, so all the stuffs on the bed and my closet floor is clean--I'll be sleeping in there tonight. It won't be nearly as comfortable as Keer's closet and it will be a little more cramped, but I think I will be fine for the night. I'm still planning on painting my room. I'm thinking light cream for the walls and a dark brown for the trim and such. I'm also considering doing a mini mural on the wall next to the door. It'd be a tree with sakura. We'll see if that actually happens, though.
I applied for a job at Wood 'N Things today. They just need a part-timer in sales. I figure it's better than nothing. Bah. I feel so weird about getting a job. I don't know why.
I just dropped Min a line... I felt awkward about sending him an email, but, I don't know. Part of me still wants to be his friend, but the other part wants to put him in the past and just forget about him. Make him another Everis.
Ugh. I don't know. I'm so tired of feelings. I just want to not have to worry about them anymore. I don't want to have to constantly think about how is this going to effect, say, Mike. I just want to live and have fun. *sigh*
Monday, May 5, 2008
Might As Well
So on Friday Dad found out Keer was male and said "I wouldn't have approved if I had known." Well you would have known if you had been listening. X( So he didn't want me to sleep over, then Mom expressed her distaste for the situation, so I wound up leaving for the Coffee House in a huff after telling Mom I wouldn't sleep over. As soon as I pulled my car around to leave the driveway I was crying. I was really looking forward to a weekend with Keer.
The Coffee House cheered me up; seeing all of my high school friends does. I got through about 1/4 of the art before I came to a dead halt 'cause people realized I was there. I got attacked by hugs. ^_^ OMG There was a tumor with hair and teeth! *dies happy* But yes. Keer and I were still going to hang out, it just wouldn't be a his place and we wouldn't be watching movies. We wound up hanging out at Cranberry Park and then the Fun 4 All parking lot until about 3ish and neither of us went to be until around 5, so I might as well have slept over. Bah.
Saturday Keer came over and we played Mario Kart for the Wii and made peanut butter cookies before going to his house before KT's concert. The whole day was fun. I got to meet Keer's brother Eugene (who is awesome) and KT's concert/drama thing kicked butt. I'm totally going to the next one too. After the concert I gave KT some cookies and the hand sculpture I made her. I should have taken a picture of it... it was just a little white hand holding music notes. I liked it, and I think she liked it too. I didn't really get to talk to her, 'cause she just performed and I know how that goes: everyone wants to talk to you. I met a whole bunch of Keer's friends, like Lochas (Lockas?), Jerad, Chad, Kai, just a lot of people. We stood in a circle and played hackysack for a while before we got kicked out and moved to Kai's apartment. We didn't really do much there--Halo, Robin Williams live, legos... that was pretty much it. Keer drove me back to my car and we slept until 4 before coming home. Yet again, I might as well have slept over.
Friday I noticed my front left tire was really low. It turns out there was a break at the base of the air valve. -_- So now I have a doughnut on my car and Dad can't fix my tire himself. Which also means I'm stuck here until the tire's fixed. You're not supposed to drive over 45mph on a doughnut, apparently.
We had classical mass today (Sunday) which rocked. There was another cello player, Paige Labaugh. She's a freshman and not a very good cello player, but oh well.
I'm thinking about painting my room cream and brown/chocolate. We'll see if that happens. It probably will.
I'm also thinking about getting another job. I like my brainless manual labor at SEC, but it runs my life too much. I can't do anything the evening before 'cause I have to get up early for work. I'm gonna check at Wood N Things and see what kinda worker they're looking for.
The Coffee House cheered me up; seeing all of my high school friends does. I got through about 1/4 of the art before I came to a dead halt 'cause people realized I was there. I got attacked by hugs. ^_^ OMG There was a tumor with hair and teeth! *dies happy* But yes. Keer and I were still going to hang out, it just wouldn't be a his place and we wouldn't be watching movies. We wound up hanging out at Cranberry Park and then the Fun 4 All parking lot until about 3ish and neither of us went to be until around 5, so I might as well have slept over. Bah.
Saturday Keer came over and we played Mario Kart for the Wii and made peanut butter cookies before going to his house before KT's concert. The whole day was fun. I got to meet Keer's brother Eugene (who is awesome) and KT's concert/drama thing kicked butt. I'm totally going to the next one too. After the concert I gave KT some cookies and the hand sculpture I made her. I should have taken a picture of it... it was just a little white hand holding music notes. I liked it, and I think she liked it too. I didn't really get to talk to her, 'cause she just performed and I know how that goes: everyone wants to talk to you. I met a whole bunch of Keer's friends, like Lochas (Lockas?), Jerad, Chad, Kai, just a lot of people. We stood in a circle and played hackysack for a while before we got kicked out and moved to Kai's apartment. We didn't really do much there--Halo, Robin Williams live, legos... that was pretty much it. Keer drove me back to my car and we slept until 4 before coming home. Yet again, I might as well have slept over.
Friday I noticed my front left tire was really low. It turns out there was a break at the base of the air valve. -_- So now I have a doughnut on my car and Dad can't fix my tire himself. Which also means I'm stuck here until the tire's fixed. You're not supposed to drive over 45mph on a doughnut, apparently.
We had classical mass today (Sunday) which rocked. There was another cello player, Paige Labaugh. She's a freshman and not a very good cello player, but oh well.
I'm thinking about painting my room cream and brown/chocolate. We'll see if that happens. It probably will.
I'm also thinking about getting another job. I like my brainless manual labor at SEC, but it runs my life too much. I can't do anything the evening before 'cause I have to get up early for work. I'm gonna check at Wood N Things and see what kinda worker they're looking for.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Lonely
*cries* I'm lonely!! *pouts* I hate being lonely. Mom's right. I'll get married one day, just so I don't have to feel lonely anymore.
Looking forward to the Coffee House at Mars tomorrow and the Keer Movie Fest weekend right after. w00t.
I really want to make something for KT. I know, I haven't met her and I know next to nothing about her, but I really want to make her something. I don't know why; it's just a spontaneous thing. Maybe it's because we have something in common: Keer likes both of us. I know we have more in common: she's into music, she plays violin, piano, and writes her own stuff. She has an appreciation for small things. She likes video games, the outdoors, talking, and hanging out with friends. All of this info I got from Keer. She has a concert on Saturday that Keer and I might be going to, and I want to give her something when (if) I meet her. I'm thinking a little sculpture out of Crayola modeling clay... but I need to get the clay. I'll do that when I wake up so it has enough time to dry and such. I don't know what it will be yet... hopefully something she likes. *crosses fingers*
Room cleaning still in progress.
And OMG adorable picture of Eve. *coos*
Looking forward to the Coffee House at Mars tomorrow and the Keer Movie Fest weekend right after. w00t.
I really want to make something for KT. I know, I haven't met her and I know next to nothing about her, but I really want to make her something. I don't know why; it's just a spontaneous thing. Maybe it's because we have something in common: Keer likes both of us. I know we have more in common: she's into music, she plays violin, piano, and writes her own stuff. She has an appreciation for small things. She likes video games, the outdoors, talking, and hanging out with friends. All of this info I got from Keer. She has a concert on Saturday that Keer and I might be going to, and I want to give her something when (if) I meet her. I'm thinking a little sculpture out of Crayola modeling clay... but I need to get the clay. I'll do that when I wake up so it has enough time to dry and such. I don't know what it will be yet... hopefully something she likes. *crosses fingers*
Room cleaning still in progress.
And OMG adorable picture of Eve. *coos*
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