Every time I'm around Keer, I wish I were single. It could just be that I don't want to have to worry about what Mike would think of my actions or keep my own actions in check because I'm in a relationship. But I keep finding myself wondering what it would be like to kiss Keer. It's a strange feeling 'cause I've never had it before. Sure I've imagined kissing others before, but never when I was with Mike, and I never wondered what it would be like for real. Or let me put it this way: I've never had the urge to do it before now. It makes me wonder what my real feelings are for Keer. I only see him as a friend, so why do I wonder? I guess it could just be induced by the fact that we are often close physically. And his light touches and kneading and biting certainly don't help because I like them so much. I feel like I can be so open with him, whereas with Mike I'm constantly watching myself and making sure I don't say or do anything wrong. But then again, I do watch myself when I'm with Keer, but on different stuff. I only watch myself because I don't want to disappoint him or lower his opinion of me.
And I sleep so much better when I am with Keer as opposed to with Mike. I know this probably doesn't mean much of anything, but it seems to matter to me. Yeah I like sleeping with Mike, but I fit so much better with Keer, and I don't really mean physically, although I think that's true. I mean we sleep the same way, or we think the same... I don't know. It's just more comfortable. The only time I've woken up when I was with Keer was when I was cold. I wake up constantly when I'm with Mike.
It really bothers me that Becky was so quick to accept that Mike and I were having problems and that I might break up with him. I only talked to her about it once and the next time we talked she wondered if I was with Keer. She didn't even ask if Mike and I were still together. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. She said she always thought Keer and I would be a good couple.
Mom made the connection of why I like Keer so much. She says it's because he's practically the male version of my Becky. In a way, she hit the nail on the head. He is very much like her; I can't deny it. But at the same time, he's so different. He's more mature than she ever was. He wants to live his life to the fullest and take every opportunity that knocks on his door. He's better than Becky.
Agh. I don't know. I just needed to get these thoughts written down.
In other news, Wood 'N Things did not hire me, my room is still coming along, and I helped with the art installation in Pittsburgh yesterday and today. Check out the waterfall!
This is on the climbing wall in the REI building in SouthSide Works. Yay for recycled water bottles and a little cellophane. It will be up for a week and then we are moving it to another rock wall in Pittsburgh 'cause the lady liked the idea and wanted it on her climbing wall also. She's giving out free climbing passes for you and a friend if you help, so I'm not complaining.Sleepy time!
No comments:
Post a Comment