Fringe

For all of my practice and desire to be good with words, I know that I am not. To be able to properly express myself... to finally be able to portray my emotions to others and have them understand... I know this will never happen. I wish I could just stamp my emotions on a page and give them to the people I try to communicate with. "This!" I would shove it in their faces in frustration. "This is what I am experiencing!" Oh how simple that would make everything. They would touch the paper and know, and everything could finally carry on.

My self esteem has been pretty low lately. Ever since Alex told me I have ADD. He was joking, but what I was describing described ADD perfectly. I don't know why this has resurfaced the low self esteem, but it has. It makes me want to forget that I have any talent in anything. I don't have talent in anything. I can't play the cello. I don't even know how to hold the bow. The piano? What are these black and white things? Singing? My voice isn't programmed for that. Don't be silly. There isn't a scrap of creativity in my head. Why would anyone want me for anything? I'm not a good friend, a good student, a good girlfriend, a good catholic, a good person, a good human. The only thing that I can do right is give hugs. And really, what kind of skill is that?

Tonight I went to International Guitar Night at Duquesne. This was the opening piece: Fringe Hinge by Brian Gore. There were three other guitar players. Itamar Erez's style combined Arabic sounds with Judaic. He even had to add extra frets to his guitar to get the right notes. Stephen Bennett played slide guitar and harp guitar, although he didn't utilize the harp as much as I thought he should have. The last, Lulo Reinhardt, who plays gypsy jazz and flamenco, added an interesting contrast to the other players. They all played individually at first and then played together in groups for the rest of the show, which lasted a little over 2 1/2 hours. I had hoped to bring Alex with me, but alas, he had to work and couldn't switch shifts. I posted a plea on facebook, but the only person who responded was Scott, but he obviously couldn't come, being in Georgia and all. So I wound up going by myself. I really enjoyed the show, but I really wish someone would have come with me. It was lonely.

Alex was supposed to come over tonight, even if he couldn't come to the show, but he wasn't able to get a ride. There are no classes tomorrow because of MLKJ Day, so he says he'll be able to come. I hope so.