I have a new phone! Yay! It's certainly a good thing because my other one was starting to break... I now have the Alias 2 phone by Samsung and it's pretty snazzy. I've been making all sorts of ringtones and background pictures for it since I got it, and now I've lost track of time. This is the same phone that Liv got a few months ago, and she hasn't had any problems with it, so hopefully mine will be just as obedient. The only thing I'm kinda eh about is because it has a full keyboard, I don't have the automatic spell check anymore. I hate looking at words I've written and going "...Is that right?" I am not very good at spelling... :(
But Polar Bear still loves me! <3
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
がっかりした
Last week was the Blizzard of 2010. I was supposed to go the Zachary's birthday dinner party on Sunday, see a free viewing of Wolfman on Tuesday, take Alex to Video Games Live at Heinz Hall on Thursday, see The Machine with Alex and friends on Friday, and go either to the Black & White Ball on campus or to a Japanese Rave on Saturday, but none of it happened. Everything was either canceled, rescheduled, or Alex couldn't do it. *sigh* Last week was supposed to be an exciting and fun week. It turned out to be very boring and very lonely. The buses weren't running or weren't running down by Alex's house, and none of his friends wanted to drive out on the horrible roads, so there was no way for us to see each other. Meanwhile, Liv and Harold saw each other every day. Eeennnvyyyy.
If Mr. Pekor decides he wants to, we'll be going to see Wolfman tonight, but it's getting late, so that probably won't happen. Also, Alex has asked me out on a fancy date for tomorrow night. This will be an excuse to finally wear my prom dress again.
To make up for the three days of canceled classes, Pitt is making us have classes on two Saturdays, one being my birthday. Really, it's up to the professors whether or not we actually have class on those Saturdays, so I think most will try to work around that.
Lent in coming up quickly. Ash Wednesday is this Wednesday, so I really need to remember to eat on Tuesday. I always tend to forget about that...
Oh! I got my hair cut on Monday, so now it's about as short as Liv's. I like it.
I spent Friday night at Alex's house. It's getting less awkward for me to just talk to his parents or his brother, which is a very good thing. Hopefully I won't feel awkward at all about staying at their house for 8 hours while Alex works. But then, I don't want to be that much of a bother, so I probably won't do that anyway.
The deadlines for Japan applications are coming up quickly. I must get moving.
If Mr. Pekor decides he wants to, we'll be going to see Wolfman tonight, but it's getting late, so that probably won't happen. Also, Alex has asked me out on a fancy date for tomorrow night. This will be an excuse to finally wear my prom dress again.
To make up for the three days of canceled classes, Pitt is making us have classes on two Saturdays, one being my birthday. Really, it's up to the professors whether or not we actually have class on those Saturdays, so I think most will try to work around that.
Lent in coming up quickly. Ash Wednesday is this Wednesday, so I really need to remember to eat on Tuesday. I always tend to forget about that...
Oh! I got my hair cut on Monday, so now it's about as short as Liv's. I like it.
I spent Friday night at Alex's house. It's getting less awkward for me to just talk to his parents or his brother, which is a very good thing. Hopefully I won't feel awkward at all about staying at their house for 8 hours while Alex works. But then, I don't want to be that much of a bother, so I probably won't do that anyway.
The deadlines for Japan applications are coming up quickly. I must get moving.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Black Lotus
It seems like time just isn't right recently. I've been with Alex for a little over two months now, but it feels like we've been together for so much longer than that. Almost four months ago, Alex and I went to Lu Lu's Noodles and walked to Schenley Park. That night Alex would almost die while fighting the troll (that damn troll). I feel like we've been through so much already that it couldn't have possibly been just two months, or four depending on which way you are counting.
Last night Alex and I retraced our footsteps that night in Schenley Park. I think we'll do it every season until we can do it only once a year, remembering the night that really set our relationship into motion.
Yesterday Alex brought me my first bouquet of flowers:
He said he got them for me simply because he loves me. Each of the eleven roses he picked out by hand and arranged around the lily that he had to send an employee to the back to retrieve. This, of course, makes me feel girly and swept off my feet. I don't particularly mind the feeling. ^_^
Last night Alex and I retraced our footsteps that night in Schenley Park. I think we'll do it every season until we can do it only once a year, remembering the night that really set our relationship into motion.
Yesterday Alex brought me my first bouquet of flowers:
He said he got them for me simply because he loves me. Each of the eleven roses he picked out by hand and arranged around the lily that he had to send an employee to the back to retrieve. This, of course, makes me feel girly and swept off my feet. I don't particularly mind the feeling. ^_^
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Cantabile
I've been watching Nodame Cantabile recently and on some points I really feel like I identify with Nodame. She attends a music school for piano but she wants to be a kindergarten teacher. Everyone keeps telling her that she has so much talent and that she should strive to be a professional piano player, but if her dream is to be a teacher, why must she? The boy she likes, Chiaki, wants to be a conductor and is constantly berating her for wasting her talent. Every time Alex says I should do something and I tell him I'm not good enough his response is "because you don't practice." Every time he says that it kinda hurts. Like he is berating me for wasting my life. I know if I wanted to be a professional cello player, for example, I could become good enough to at least be part of a good orchestra, but I don't have any desire for that. I love music and art, but they are only hobbies to me. They are just things I enjoy doing in my spare time. I don't think I should be yelled at because it is not something I want to do with my life. But then I think about all of the people who wish they had my talent but don't, and I feel horrible. I feel that stab that makes me want to cry. And I just want to forget about it.
And, of course, that leads me to thinking about my future and lack of initiative. Do I even want to go to Japan? I've never been one who was really into traveling... Am I secretly hoping Mom tells me not to go even if I get in? If I didn't have Liv and her ambitions, would I have any of my own? I'm sure I would, but picturing life without her, I feel like I wouldn't have any at all. I suppose my ideal future has always been to just be happy. I never cared what it was I would be doing with my life or what hobbies I would have. The only picture I ever had of my future was of a small garden full of flowers surrounded by green grass. Nothing else. No thought of a job, no thought of a family or friends, nothing besides that garden. It isn't even a full image. I can't see beyond the tops of the flowers. Is the sky blue? Are there any clouds? I think so because of the vibrant colors of the petals that only appear in the sunlight.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be here... like this isn't the right place or the right time. But I don't feel like I should be somewhere else either. There isn't a place for me. I'm not right. I wonder if some of the people who commit suicide have thoughts like these. Probably, right?
And, of course, that leads me to thinking about my future and lack of initiative. Do I even want to go to Japan? I've never been one who was really into traveling... Am I secretly hoping Mom tells me not to go even if I get in? If I didn't have Liv and her ambitions, would I have any of my own? I'm sure I would, but picturing life without her, I feel like I wouldn't have any at all. I suppose my ideal future has always been to just be happy. I never cared what it was I would be doing with my life or what hobbies I would have. The only picture I ever had of my future was of a small garden full of flowers surrounded by green grass. Nothing else. No thought of a job, no thought of a family or friends, nothing besides that garden. It isn't even a full image. I can't see beyond the tops of the flowers. Is the sky blue? Are there any clouds? I think so because of the vibrant colors of the petals that only appear in the sunlight.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be here... like this isn't the right place or the right time. But I don't feel like I should be somewhere else either. There isn't a place for me. I'm not right. I wonder if some of the people who commit suicide have thoughts like these. Probably, right?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Fringe
For all of my practice and desire to be good with words, I know that I am not. To be able to properly express myself... to finally be able to portray my emotions to others and have them understand... I know this will never happen. I wish I could just stamp my emotions on a page and give them to the people I try to communicate with. "This!" I would shove it in their faces in frustration. "This is what I am experiencing!" Oh how simple that would make everything. They would touch the paper and know, and everything could finally carry on.
My self esteem has been pretty low lately. Ever since Alex told me I have ADD. He was joking, but what I was describing described ADD perfectly. I don't know why this has resurfaced the low self esteem, but it has. It makes me want to forget that I have any talent in anything. I don't have talent in anything. I can't play the cello. I don't even know how to hold the bow. The piano? What are these black and white things? Singing? My voice isn't programmed for that. Don't be silly. There isn't a scrap of creativity in my head. Why would anyone want me for anything? I'm not a good friend, a good student, a good girlfriend, a good catholic, a good person, a good human. The only thing that I can do right is give hugs. And really, what kind of skill is that?
Tonight I went to International Guitar Night at Duquesne. This was the opening piece: Fringe Hinge by Brian Gore. There were three other guitar players. Itamar Erez's style combined Arabic sounds with Judaic. He even had to add extra frets to his guitar to get the right notes. Stephen Bennett played slide guitar and harp guitar, although he didn't utilize the harp as much as I thought he should have. The last, Lulo Reinhardt, who plays gypsy jazz and flamenco, added an interesting contrast to the other players. They all played individually at first and then played together in groups for the rest of the show, which lasted a little over 2 1/2 hours. I had hoped to bring Alex with me, but alas, he had to work and couldn't switch shifts. I posted a plea on facebook, but the only person who responded was Scott, but he obviously couldn't come, being in Georgia and all. So I wound up going by myself. I really enjoyed the show, but I really wish someone would have come with me. It was lonely.
Alex was supposed to come over tonight, even if he couldn't come to the show, but he wasn't able to get a ride. There are no classes tomorrow because of MLKJ Day, so he says he'll be able to come. I hope so.
My self esteem has been pretty low lately. Ever since Alex told me I have ADD. He was joking, but what I was describing described ADD perfectly. I don't know why this has resurfaced the low self esteem, but it has. It makes me want to forget that I have any talent in anything. I don't have talent in anything. I can't play the cello. I don't even know how to hold the bow. The piano? What are these black and white things? Singing? My voice isn't programmed for that. Don't be silly. There isn't a scrap of creativity in my head. Why would anyone want me for anything? I'm not a good friend, a good student, a good girlfriend, a good catholic, a good person, a good human. The only thing that I can do right is give hugs. And really, what kind of skill is that?
Tonight I went to International Guitar Night at Duquesne. This was the opening piece: Fringe Hinge by Brian Gore. There were three other guitar players. Itamar Erez's style combined Arabic sounds with Judaic. He even had to add extra frets to his guitar to get the right notes. Stephen Bennett played slide guitar and harp guitar, although he didn't utilize the harp as much as I thought he should have. The last, Lulo Reinhardt, who plays gypsy jazz and flamenco, added an interesting contrast to the other players. They all played individually at first and then played together in groups for the rest of the show, which lasted a little over 2 1/2 hours. I had hoped to bring Alex with me, but alas, he had to work and couldn't switch shifts. I posted a plea on facebook, but the only person who responded was Scott, but he obviously couldn't come, being in Georgia and all. So I wound up going by myself. I really enjoyed the show, but I really wish someone would have come with me. It was lonely.
Alex was supposed to come over tonight, even if he couldn't come to the show, but he wasn't able to get a ride. There are no classes tomorrow because of MLKJ Day, so he says he'll be able to come. I hope so.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Quick Update
The semester is over! Huzzah! And I got my grades back... lame. B+ in Japanese?! So angry. It's only because I had a fever for almost a week and wasn't allowed to go to class. TT^TT But. Now that's over with.
Break has been pretty good so far. Stephanie, Matthew, and Eve came up for a few days and we had Christmas on Monday. Everyone seemed to like the gifts that I gave to them and I liked all of my gifts.
I went to Alex's house for the first time last night. I was ssoooooo nervous, but it went well. His parents and brother seem to like me. And the kitties certainly do, especially Eevee. Dinner was delicious and a fun time. Alex's scarf came in the mail just before I was going to leave, so I was able to give it to him. He was so happy. ^_^ Hopefully he will be able to come over here some time next week.
The stress of meeting his parents held a cold mostly at bay, and now that I'm not stressed anymore, it's hit me head on. It really is just a cold, though, so it's alright.
Maybe more details later.
Break has been pretty good so far. Stephanie, Matthew, and Eve came up for a few days and we had Christmas on Monday. Everyone seemed to like the gifts that I gave to them and I liked all of my gifts.
I went to Alex's house for the first time last night. I was ssoooooo nervous, but it went well. His parents and brother seem to like me. And the kitties certainly do, especially Eevee. Dinner was delicious and a fun time. Alex's scarf came in the mail just before I was going to leave, so I was able to give it to him. He was so happy. ^_^ Hopefully he will be able to come over here some time next week.
The stress of meeting his parents held a cold mostly at bay, and now that I'm not stressed anymore, it's hit me head on. It really is just a cold, though, so it's alright.
Maybe more details later.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
体が悪いよ。
Ha... well let's see. Aunt Chris broke her leg. Her and Uncle John were riding the motorcycle when a six-point buck jumped into the side of them. She broke a lot of her lower leg and there was a good bit of damage done to the bike, but at least the buck died. Somehow Uncle John was able to keep the bike upright. No one knows how. But. Our plan was to go bring them Thanksgiving dinner.
Everyone except for me left the Tuesday before break. I didn't know this, but it worked out well because I was having Alex sleep over. He's now a very happy Alex.
Thanksgiving was overall alright. It was just Uncle John, Aunt Chris, Uncle Eddy, Mom, and me, so it was pretty boring for me. I needed to write a few papers over break, one of which I spent Saturday in the dorm doing.
I went back home Sunday morning because UN Methodist on Airport Rd was holding a small concert and they wanted us to be a part of it. It was the Mos, Mrs. Roos, Josephine, Chelsea, and me. It was only two songs, but it was pretty fun. We were at the very end of the program, and, not to be egotistical, but we were probably the best there. Of course, we had Josephine, so that's not hard to do.
I've been sick all week. I had a nice fever from Monday night to Thursday, so with the exception of Monday, I didn't go to any classes this week. Japanese is going to suck when I get back to it on Monday... Alex kept me company a lot of the time this week. <3 He has started giving me my gifts for Christmas: "Urawaza," a fun book full of tips and tricks from Japan, a Sun Jar that catches the sun for me, a baby polar bear stuffed animal that he won at a carnival on Duquesne campus, and my new cello bow!! Everything is awesome. You know, besides still being sick.
I've also started giving Alex his gifts. The first one was the pair of gloves because we were talking about how he needs them. I hid them in his pocket when he was in the bathroom. When he found them, he was speechless and soooo red. <3 Next was his wallet because he yet again really needed them. He is so happy with it, and it's a good thing I gave it to him when I did because his old wallet fell into two pieces in his bag a day later. o_O The most recent one was the journal he was eyeing at the bookstore that he decided against buying. Apparently he had regretted not buying it a little bit, so now everything is good. I can't wait to give him his final gift!! I'm so excited for it!
So how about Mom and Dad are on a cruise right now. Yeah, they're off to the Bahamas for a day. They flew down on Wednesday to see Aunt Jan and they stayed the night there before the launch in Ft. Lauderdale. Luckies. I hope they're having a good time.
Everyone except for me left the Tuesday before break. I didn't know this, but it worked out well because I was having Alex sleep over. He's now a very happy Alex.
Thanksgiving was overall alright. It was just Uncle John, Aunt Chris, Uncle Eddy, Mom, and me, so it was pretty boring for me. I needed to write a few papers over break, one of which I spent Saturday in the dorm doing.
I went back home Sunday morning because UN Methodist on Airport Rd was holding a small concert and they wanted us to be a part of it. It was the Mos, Mrs. Roos, Josephine, Chelsea, and me. It was only two songs, but it was pretty fun. We were at the very end of the program, and, not to be egotistical, but we were probably the best there. Of course, we had Josephine, so that's not hard to do.
I've been sick all week. I had a nice fever from Monday night to Thursday, so with the exception of Monday, I didn't go to any classes this week. Japanese is going to suck when I get back to it on Monday... Alex kept me company a lot of the time this week. <3 He has started giving me my gifts for Christmas: "Urawaza," a fun book full of tips and tricks from Japan, a Sun Jar that catches the sun for me, a baby polar bear stuffed animal that he won at a carnival on Duquesne campus, and my new cello bow!! Everything is awesome. You know, besides still being sick.
I've also started giving Alex his gifts. The first one was the pair of gloves because we were talking about how he needs them. I hid them in his pocket when he was in the bathroom. When he found them, he was speechless and soooo red. <3 Next was his wallet because he yet again really needed them. He is so happy with it, and it's a good thing I gave it to him when I did because his old wallet fell into two pieces in his bag a day later. o_O The most recent one was the journal he was eyeing at the bookstore that he decided against buying. Apparently he had regretted not buying it a little bit, so now everything is good. I can't wait to give him his final gift!! I'm so excited for it!
So how about Mom and Dad are on a cruise right now. Yeah, they're off to the Bahamas for a day. They flew down on Wednesday to see Aunt Jan and they stayed the night there before the launch in Ft. Lauderdale. Luckies. I hope they're having a good time.
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